Wicked Cool.

Hello,

so I went to the marching band competition last night and I laughed all night long, I had forgotten how much my friends mean to me. And you know I'm not really that upset about losing my supposed "best friend" I'm kinda glad that it's over with so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

This has been on my chest for a while and I need to vent and get it off. So here goes:

The whole thing with Jessi was just stupid. I just don't understand. I know I clearly didn't try hard enough to stay in touch, but neither did she. And it's suddenly all my fault? I completely understand her reasoning for not calling; she didn't want to listen about how happy I was. But when she said that it just made me wonder if all the things she used to say about how I need someone who will treat me the way I need to be treated and make me as happy as I deserve was a bunch of crock. She clearly didn't want me to be happy, at least not happier then her. That's how I see it. The thing that hurt me the most was that was the only reason why should wouldn't call, and it kept her from calling. Now I'm not complaining now, because that's the kinda of friend I am and I'm happy that she's happy with Tyler honestly, but still I never complained when she would spend the night at my house and just wait all night long asking when Tyler was going to call. I mean yeah, we spent a lot of time together, but whenever I was on the phone and she was over I tried not to talk a lot and ask if I could call back later. But yes half the time when my phone rang she just used that 5 mins to call Tyler and talk for 30 mins. And I never complained once. Not once, because that is the kind of friend I am, because I was happy for her. I'm certainly not now after a bunch of stuff I found out about people that she cares about that she probably doesn't even know and I just await the day when she finds out. But in the e-mail/messages we sent each other it felt like all she was doing was attacking me. Saying that Jackson gives me all the money I want and everything that I want. That is completely not true. I know that all of our money right now goes into stuff that we absolutely need and to bills that we need to pay. She made it sound like I ask for hundreds of dollars and he gives it to me no matter what. That's not even the case even now that I'm visiting in Maine, the money that comes out of the bank goes towards everything I need to get back home (shipping packages, gas in my mom's car) I think I've spent a total of $50.00 on my self since I've gotten here and that is mostly for food, and the new pair of pants I bought cause I can't fit into any of my others ones. So another reason why should couldn't call me was cause she was working all the time at the bank and at the gym and she didn't get home until late. I felt that was kinda weak considering Grady someone I barely hung out with when I lived in Maine would call me every night on his way home from work when he got out of work at 1 am, just to see how things were going. So I felt that it was just an excuse and she just didn't want to talk to me anymore, and I'm completely over that I just need to get all of this off my chest because it's been built up inside. So after she tells me she's working all the time she complains about how short they are for money. I don't know, I know that she own her college money and she hasn't said anything about working and from what I've talked to Tyler he's going to school and he didn't say anything about working, so from what I gather she's the only one with money coming in and she states that all of her entire checks are going to paying back her college. So how is she paying for the wedding? last I knew her parents couldn't help because they are buying a house which left her and Tyler for paying for the entire wedding and she's complaining about money. Seriously? I always thought the sensible thing to do when you got engaged was to not fly by the seat of your pants cause weddings aren't cheap, and when your so strapped for cash why would you put everything in to your wedding when your gonna have bills to pay and everything. But that is none of my business. I just thought about the future and pros and con's of getting married much harder then she has. But then again, I don't know because she never discussed her fears of the wedding with me just planning and how happy she was so i figured they had everything figured out. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't. I'll never know.

We'll all be out here for Christmas. Jack, Me, Bella. And hopefully Jess and Alex. But we wont be going to their wedding, because we both feel that it's a disaster waiting to happen. I honestly give them 6 months to a year before they get divorced. They've never lived alone together and before august they were physically with each other for a total of a month, maybe a little more. but their relationship was all about the phone. and I know from experience that it's just not the same.

And now that I've gotten that completely off my chest I can continue with my perfectly happy life, in which I'm slowly (but surely) weeding out all the people who want to see me drown.

The thing that tells me that I've changed for the better is:

I'm not crying over losing her. I didn't attack her or yell at her. I handled the situation like an adult (having almost lost it but maintained my posture) and I'm happy she's out of my life. Because I need friends I can count on to be there for me. And she clearly cannot be there for me.

So to Jessica.

R.I.P

We are no longer friends and I am happy that way. I am a better person for it.