See what I made! Yay me! I made it for Jackson and e-mailed it to him.


So it's new years eve. I don't know what I'm doing. I kinda wanna go to Abbi's but I don't..so I don't know, If I go to Abbi's I'd have to stay the night and I don't want to up but don't want to be driving around late tonight.

I really hope we go to Auntie Alica's tonight, I think that it would be allot of fun but I doubt that we will go cause I don't think they are going to call back.

So I went to the movies the other day with Auntie Ann and my mom. We went to see I am Legend it was a really good movie. Will Smith shirtless doing chin ups....yum... (I mean...ew...boy germs...)

Then this morning I watched Transformers! That movie kicked ass! (excuse the french)
It rocked my socks off, I was happy that I finally got to see it.

So tomorrow is 2008! WoOt! I'm going clothes shopping with grammy cause I'm a fat kid and have no clothes to fit me. I'm gunna see if she will get me the shirt that says "touch the belly lose a hand" cause I feel that I need it.

well I'm going to help my mom cook dinner.

I Keel You!

Ok so just incase anyone doesn't know I am in Maine!


With out jackson which sucks because I miss him, but we had a really good phone conversation last night/this morning, that made me happy.

I woke up this morning feeling like CRAP! But after getting up and walking around my sinuses have drained and my throut feels better.

So today I'm going to the movies with my aunt ann and my mom. I think that who's all going. We're going to see I am Legend. I can't wait I've been wanting to see that movie so badly.

Last night was fun. A bunch of my friends got together and we all hung out at abbi's apartment. I was having fun until her roommate Nate showed up with two girls. That's when I got insecure. So everyone started drinking and I just sat there (I tasted some white wine, to see what it tasted like, wasn't bad, but not for me. The smell made me want to vomit.) and watched everyone. I mostly sat in one spot, not really wanting any attention on me. Then a bunch of stoners showed up and that's when stuff got crazy. Everyone went to have a cigerette outside and I guess some girl started yelling at Grady. That's when Mark, Mariah, Lindsey and I were like it's time to go. So we packed up grady and went out to the car. None of us were ready to go home so we went to dennys. Before leaving lindsey desided that she wanted to test out the ground. We laughed for like 15 mins as lindsey layed on the ground having slipped on some black ice. So on our way to denny's the Two way radio in the car randomly turned on. I had to pull over so Mark and I could figure out how to turn it back off. It took us a while. So we laughed that off and made our way back towards dennys. Finally we arrived at dennys and had a great time. We talked about alot of stuff, that people are going through and everything that is going on gossip wise and wiether it was true or not. So after I brought mark back to his car and he brought lindsey home and I brought grady home cause it was on the way. (We had dropped mariah off before going to dennys) and then I came home and talked to jackson.

We talked about stuff that had pissed me off that night and I told him what we talked about and my pet peeves.
Here's what went down.

Before Leaving abbi's I had stood up from my place on the floor and went to grab my coat, I hadn't adjusted my clothes from sitting on the floor yet. As I reached to get my coat Nate looked at me and said "Pull up your shirt." I just looked at him and I wanted to slap him, I mean first of all why are you looking at my boobs (Yes they are huge and hard to miss now but still) and two where do you come off telling me what to do, We had already announced that we were leaving, I had my coat in my hand getting ready to put it on. I just looked at him and said "No, It will just fall down again." That made me soo mad.

And then at Dennys Mark and Grady pointed out what I have been noticeing but I didn't know If I was just being weird. It seems that every guy we pass he stares at me. I'm about ready to tweek out. The next person I see staring at me that I dont know I'm gunna kill. Blaim the hormones I hate it.

Anouther thing I hate. People touching my stomach without asking. That pisses me off. I'm going to get the shirt at spencers that says touch the stomach loose a hand, because I'm tired of people touching me. Drives me nuts. I was ok with it early on in my pregnancy but now it seems likes everyone is invading my personal space. And it's not everyone I hate doing. I love it when jackson does it, I'd let him do it all day. Mariah, Grady and Mark dont bother me when they do it either. They have all asked. Leslie and the girls at work have asked before doing. That doesn't bother me, but when people just reach out and start rubbing my stomach I want to rip their hands off! AHHHH!!! Exspecially the people who get this crazy look in their eyes when they do it, I'm like "Ok...time to back off now." It seems like my personal space has become everyone's property. It sucks.

Well that is my post I'm sure I will post again before I leave if not I will update when I get home.


Thank you to everyone for the wonderful christmas presents, I'm being pesterd by sargeant to rub his tummy.

Thank bella, and IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!

So I'm finally in the christmas spirit. I found it at choir while singing various christmas songs. i can't wait for christmas because i can't wait to give jackson what I got him. I'm happy that I have a job, because it means so much to me for me to be able to buy presents for people I care about, with my own money that I have earned.

So tomorrow i get paid, and i am going to finish my christmas shopping. (I'm sorry family in maine, but I'm getting you gift cards so I can fly them all out there...minus sargeant cause I already got his...heehee)

We bought the plane tickets and everything is settled. I am arriving in boston at 5:57 am on the 27th of december! YAY!

And I'm staying till the 3rd of january.

Now other News.


Have I mentioned that I absolutely LOVE my dog?

Yesterday was probally the absolute worst day of my life.

Well jackson had to take his Department of corrections test (which he passed! YAY! means new job!) so he had to leave at 6 am. When we woke up at 5:00 am, our front door was open. (creepy.)
Earlier that morning I heard bella growling and just assumed she was growling in her sleep. So jackson left and I went about my normal daily buisness. (Eating, sleeping and cleaning) Well when I let bella out of her crate at about 10:30 she immeadetely went to the girls' bedroom door (which is always closed when they are not home) and was growling and scratching at the door. I ignored this, figured it was a puppy thing and if she really wanted in the room she would jump up and open the door. ( a new talent we discovered she had ) I went about my buisness of cleaning. Bella was extremely cuddly all day and growling at the door. i rolled my eyes and continued cleaning, until I went to do laundry.

our washer and dryer and right next to the girls bedroom, so I walked down the hall way towards the door. That's when bella went nuts. She has developed a new habit of body slamming into the back of my legs. She did that a couple of times and growled angerly at the door and scratched at it. that's when I looked at her then the door and said.
"What are you so upset about, see there is nothing in there" at that point I slammed down the door handle and the door swung open to reveal a man sitting on the girls bed. When the door opened he jumped up like I startled him and I ran in to jackson and I's bedroom and locked the door.

I called the cops and they arrived, the front door was open, and they figureprinted the entire house. Needless to say we are moving as soon as I find a place. I refuse to live there anymore.

so that is what's going on, I need to find something to eat.

Ho ho ho?

So I'm not really in the christmas spirit. I'm actually honestly not really looking forward to it. I was talking to Leslie (YES! I made a friend out here! Who I hang out with outside of work!!!) and she suggested it was because everything is gunna be new this year and I'm preparing myself for the unexpected.

I really can't wait to come home. We've been keeping track of plane ticket prices and they seem to keep going down. (???) It definately looks like it's just going to be me because if both of us dont work one week it would really hurt us. He said maybe if we get into the cheaper apartments we've been trying to get into and have enough money to pay january rent, plus extra for another plane ticket he would come out too. I pray every night for a miracle.

The past couple of weeks I've been a very angry person. I dont really know why and I've been trying to control it. Everything seems to make me angry. Then I get really sad because I was mad for no reason and I start crying, and blah blah blah. time to put on the "Man Boots"as jackson would say.

i feel bad for him. He's put up with me so much, and I dont even know how to thank him. he puts up with my attitude and when he knows I'm about to snap he pushes those buttons to make me snap so that it will happen and I wont be a grump all day. I still feel bad.

And on top of it all, my body has gone completely nocturnal. And by completely i mean I get 5 hours of sleep A DAY. and by a day i mean I dont fall asleep untill the sun is up. I sleep from 5 am to 10:30 am and I am fully awake and ready to go. Weird.

So my last doctors appointment i got the ok to fly and everything is good. I weigh a total of 133.4 lbs. the most I've ever weighed in my life. Shocking I know. Jarrid is good at practicing his football punting and likes to drag his feet along the bottom of my stomach. (alot of people are shocked that I am carrying so low so early. i used to be able to wear regular jeans. Nope sot anymore. Only maturnity pants because Jarrid is resting so low I can't even button regular pants like i used to. the good thing about maturnity pants. No buttons or zippers, just pull them up and go. And my butt looks great! why can't regular jeans be like that?!?!

So jackson's birthday is on monday. the big 3-0! old fart. lol. I dont know what I'm going to do. Cook dinner probally. I switched shifts with one of the girls at work so I can be home when he gets home.

well I'm bored and can't think of anything else to write about.

buh bye!

things to do.

Well we didn't get a chance to get to the bank before it closed so we didn't get the plane tickets.


And sadly it looks like only I will be coming out. As upset as I am about flying by myself and not haveing jackson there I might as well get over it because we dont even have the extra money to fly me out there, so how were we expecting to fly us both? The fact that we are using the money we dont have to fly me out I am very greatful for. but it still sucks. Both of us cant miss a week of unpaid vacation, it would just be to hard on us. And with the struggle we are having now it's just been hard.

On top of everything we are looking for a new place to live, because we can't afford the crazy rent we are paying now, but everywhere we are looking rent is more then what we are paying now. We make to much money for the Low Income houseing, and we dont make enough for the regular houseing. It just doesn't seem like we are ever going to catch a break. it seems like all of our checks go towards rent and Aarons (the place that keeps threatening to take our furniture away because we are always late on payment). the other bills we have no problem with.

And i know what happened too. it was the month or two that jackson's asshole boss decided that he was gunna give jackson as little work as possible so he will quit cause he's too good of a worker to fire. that's what did it for us. We're still trying to catch from that. We are catching up though and by the end of december we will be caught up.

And dont even get me on the topic of my work. I love all of the girls there but my boss. If I didn't just smile and nod all the time her and i would not get along. The fact that when I started working there I told her that I could work occasional nights, but I would like to work during the day and only on weekends that jackson has drill. She took it as I'm only going to schedual you for nights, and your going to work every weekend no matter what. and apparently I'm not the only one haveing problems with her schedualing because I've never voiced my opinion on the schedualing to her, because I've listened to her tweek out on one of the new girls (ann) for saying she can't work saturdays and Cheryl(my boss) wants her to only work saturdays.
I'm not using this as an excuse, but I told her i could only work days because that is when I have the most energy. but now I work everynight until 8 and that means by the time I get home to have dinner, and relax, so my heart doesn't pound out ofmy chest when I lay down for bed it's 10:30, 11:00 at night and I'm exasted so I sleep the next day until noon, and I dont get any house work or anything done because I wake up and have to start getting ready for work so i can be there by 2:50 so I can get all situated. And by the time i get there Christina(the other receptionist) just looks at me the minute I walk through the door and says "you can clock in so we can do shift change cause I have a hair appointment" or whatever her excuse is that time. I'm like whatever more money, but still the minute I walk through the door. I dont get there early so she can leave I get there early so i'm not late and I have time to wind down and go into work mode so I dont snap at anyone.

and on top of that we have the gas sucker of a truck who we are now putting 100.00 in every four days so we can get around and we just dont have the money. and with gas prices still going up and getting closer to 4 dollars I'm like Damn get rid of this thing and get a car. the whole 13 miles a gallon thing is killing us. and i HATE driving cause it has too much power for me. call me a wimp but that truck scares me. and I hate driving in teh rain out here cause all the truck does is skid and spin it's tires. that's it.

Well I've vented somewhat and I'm going to relax, because my stomach hurts.

Homers!

We are looking at plane tickets!

We are purchasing on friday!

So far the itinerary is:

Leaving San Fransico the night of the 26th and arriving in boston mass the morning of the 27th (around 7:30 am) We may or maynot need to be picked up, jackson keeps saying if he's going to maine he wants a four wheel drive vehical. (something about wearing his puss and boots and not wanting to go in the snow...Wah...)

Then we will be leaving the late afternoon of the 3rd and arriving back in sunny california late the night of the 3rd.

So yes we are coming home!!! YAY!

I can't wait to see everyone!

P.S i am in desperate need of addresses, any of my friends that read this if you could leave me your address either facebook or myspace that would be great.


Love you all.


OH and my phone is working again!

See you all soon!

i can't wait!

Blerrrr...

Let me just let you all know now..


Being pregnant SUCKS!!!


Hormones are offically kicking my ass.

And the not getting comfortable at night thing...needs to end. I'm soooo cranky cause I dont get any sleep. Between the only comfortable spot being on my back (which I'm not allowed to do something about cutting circulation off to teh baby) and the snoring contest between jackson and bella (They both make odd noises and fight to be the loudest) I sleep like crap.

I've offically switched over to being nocturnal. I sleep all day...(well until noon that is)

OH! and nextel turned of our phones because they claim we own them 400 dollars, so I told them to take the phones and put them someplace where they dont belong. And to give us all our money back. So I will have to corrispond with everyone via e-mail until we can get new phones cause we are not going back to AT&T or Sprint/Nextel. We're looking at Verison or Alltell. but it will be a while. With the holidays coming up and our trip to maine already looking to costing us about 3 grand we can't afford phones right now. If there is an emergancy and I repeat EMERGANCY ONLY! jackson's work number can be used, but I repeat that is for emergancies only becuase it is a company phone. and an emergancy is : Someone dying...or in the hospital.

anyways. so yeah our maine trip is looking to costing about 3 grand...that is 3 grand that we dont have but are going to spend anyways becuase I have to come back before I go insane.

We are looking at houses, because the rent we are paying down we found out could be our morgage payment, so we are looking at a bigger house with a morgage payment the same as our rent right now. hahaha.

We found a house that we both liked and we are going to look at a house on friday.

Oh KATIE is OFFICALLY ADOPTED as of today! YAY!

Oh Christmas Tree!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

*My sub comments on this blog will be in Italic and a pretty color....*

I've decided to make this post as festive as I feel right now. It is exactly 8:16 pm California time, I have been steadily eating since 4:30 this morning when we took the roast off the smoker. *Yum!*

So I slowly stuffed my face all day long, and have not stopped. Literally.
After actually sitting down with the family and eating while watching the Macy's thanksgiving day parade, We cleaned up our plates and Jackson gave me a hug and went. "Tummy full?" I nodded and smiled "Yup" He patted my stomach and smiled. "I can tell." *I have gotten bigger and bigger the past couple of weeks, when we do get the film developed I will be able to show you that it is possible for me to have junk in the trunk.*

Afterward the triptophan kicked in and everyone in the house crashed for two hours. *i for about 4.* When I awoke it was to the voice of Jess and Alex's mom. *not a big fan of that voice. I find it squeakier and annoying.* Needless to say I was not in a good mood until she left.

Then Jackson and I took a shower and Katie romped around in the house, she's been very cute today. I ate an entire Oreo pudding pie to myself and then my stomach hurt, I then realised that it was because I was hungry while everyone made fun of me cause I've eating about 3 times my weight today. After eating a peanut better and jelly sandwich *don't ask I was craving it* I felt extremely better.

So now the Christmas season starts. so that anyone doesn't want to ask here is our Christmas list.

Me:
Scrap booking stuff *lots of stuff!!!*
scrap booking organizer thingies.
Border's gift cards

Him:
sears gift card *slight tool fetish*
American Eagle gift cards *he's losing allot of weight and none of his clothes fit....fatty...*

Us:
Dell Laptop in Blue!!! <~ that is really a need more then a want. With the baby coming we need something to store all our pictures on and be able to send them to everyone when we get the house. (if we get the house....*fingers crossed*)
Baby stuff!!! <~ the big stuff would have to be sent to our house because we can't really fly that stuff out. We are registered at babies r us.
gift cards (Lowe's, Home depot, Linens n things, etc)

A very simple list the only thing we absolutely need is the laptop and we would be happy if that's all we got. after all, his birthday is the 17th of December, (two weeks before Christmas) and mine is obviously two weeks after.

LOTS OF NEW STUFF!!!!

FIRST OF ALL I WOULD LIKE TO PROUDLY ANNOUNCE THAT IT IS.....








::drum roll please::





A BOY!!!!!

Isn't he soo cute? I think so. You can clearly see his, face. I.E Nose, Mouth, Chin, Forehead and all of his head. We couldn't get a full picture because he didn't want his picture taken and kept moving around and kicking the ultrasound thingy. Needless to say he has an attitude already. Wanna know some lessons I've already learned about him?

1. He HATES anything that invades his space or makes it smaller. The ultrasound device he kept kicking and he'll kick anything he can. He doesn't like my Maternity pants that have the support band. He kicks the band anytime I wear them. The Seatbelt, he hates and kicks it anytime I'm in the car. And my favorite two examples. Jess, was laying her head in my lap watching Phantom of the Opera the back of her head pressed against the bottom of my now quite large belly. The entire movie Jarrid proceeded to kick the back of her head, as jess laughed. The next example is grand. I was resting on thecouch before work on monday and bella was curled up next to me her head resting on the top of my stomach. i felt the kick and bella looked at me like "What the hell...that's my pillow and it moved."

2. Caffine at any time of the day causes his legs to go into over drive and he will double kick anything he wants, My ribs, my bladder, my kidneys. I think on the inside he is laughing. when I haev caffine and i relax on the couch i can see him kicking.

Jackson finds it humorous to find his feet pressing into my side and tickle them. he kicks then too.. i like to poke his head when I find it.

And So we have it!

I am proud to annouce that we have chosen names! YAY!!

If it is a little girl her name will be: Briahna Renae Liles (Pronounced Brionna Renee for the illiterates.) which means Great/Strong Reborn. We decided to pick names that somewhat went along with our heritages. Briahna is Irish and Renae is old Latin.

If it is a little boy his name will be: Jerrid Layne Liles (pronounced Jared Lane.) which means Decendant of the Narrow road. Again Jerrid is Irish and Layne is well....I forgot.

We just spent the last hour thinking of different spellings of these names because we want the names to be pronounced how they are ment to be pronounced. We didn't want the name Brianna becasue we thought it was too common but both love the name Briona, So looking up alternate spellings we found Briahnna and got what we were looking for. and Jerrid. Well dont ask how we came up with that one cause we just did.

So next thursday is the ultrasound when we find out the sex and so we are excited. We are guessing it's a boy, but we aren't getting our hopes up. So far by the old wives tales it's a boy, so we are hoping. Even though I REALLY like the name briahna. So I guess we'll just have to save it for next time....if there is a next time.

So I'm sure I will post saying what the sex is cause everyone is so anxious (including us!). so yeah that is my update and just filling everyone in. Now I go on a wild hunt to find my mothers blog. lol

Apple Hill and Pumpkin picking!

Here are the picture from Apple Hill and Pumpkin picking. It's not all of them because I shot two rolls of film, but it is a few of my favorites.

Katie Laughing.

Dad and Katie found me!

There was this huge 9 month old puppy on Apple Hill, So we stopped to see it. Needless to say jackson desided that when we get a house we are getting a newfoundland puppy.

Katie had pigtails in all day. Can't you tell?

"Bye!"

She's in deep thought

"Dat!"

Awesome Apple!

View from Apple Hill.

It's a Quicky!

Quick update.


Everything is good, I just dropped jackson off at the airport for soldier of the year in salt lake city. He'll be back sunday afternoon.

Christine and I are having a girls night consisting of playing wii, staying up and watching most haunted LIVE! at the winchester mystery house (which we will be going down there hopefully sometime soon)

Jackson and I really want to go see that house. So does his mom and dad.

Well I'm off, Need to find something to do today until christine gets out of work.

Family

All I can say is read the comment on the last blog.


That's who real friends are and they stay with you forever.

And she's 100 percent right.

Oh! and the fun begins!

HAHAHAHAHAHA this is grand!

So!

I wondered how long it would be before someone started drama over this blog....lets see...less then a month. Great!

People assume things and it's Grand.

Just because people get pissed off about my feelings does it mean I'm gunna stop saying them?

NOPE!

Newsflash everyone: It's a blog, people post there feelings in it. If you offended by it send an e-mail, or even post a comment on the blog saying "Hey we need to talk about this."

Hahaha, I'm immature and my high school ways have rubbed off on Jackson!

Is someone admitting to guilt cause I didn't name any names in the blog?
I'm not joking we are sitting here laughing our asses off cause someone is making such a huge deal about it.

You know what I'm going to us names just so that everyone knows. It's Jessi. She's the one making the huge deal about it. This is what I think happened.

This morning Jackson logged on to his Facebook to find a post from her just bitching him out. We just laughed. Hell lets let the world know, since she wants the attention by posting it on facebook anyways.

Jessi Peterson (Portland, ME) wroteat 4:52pm yesterday
So i love finding things out from other people...especially when im involved in it. So when did i try to get you to cheat on sam with me? Cause as far as i remember the only time we were alone together i was keeping you company driving around waiting for sam while you bitched to me about how she ditched you to go to prom. So when was there time for me to do that? Sorry but 29 year old guys almost my age is not really my type. sorry. i actually feel bad for Sam, i wonder what else you lied to her about. You guys are screwed you think tyler and i are a disaster...we not dealing with a pregnancy, Whining, a new puppy, and a marriage...im not here to judge but i think we are a little more ready than you two. I just lost all respect for you Jackson! i thought you were more mature than sam but i guess not...her highschool ways have worn off on you! and that is sad! very sad

Jessi Peterson (Portland, ME) wroteat 4:58pm yesterday
So why dont you guys write to me about shit like this instead of being two faced and writing it on a blog...thats gay(my words) this all started with sam and i so you getting involved was not necessary, but thanks for your imput. God that Pisses me off...did you really think i wouldnt find out about you telling sam that? My friends brought it to my attention, and i just want you to know...its cute you would actually think i would do something like that to sam and tyler...but dont flatter yourself cause i wouldnt! Have a nice day!

I just checked and I didn't say any names in the blog. So she automatically assumed it was her. can we say someone is GUILTY??? No names were mentioned. I know better.

You know what I just realised? This isn't the first time that someone has told me that Jessi has tried or has messed around with one of my boyfriends while I was dating them. Ummm...Yeah. If she's so in love with her "younger hotter model" why have I been told twice that she's cheated on him (or tried to)? Two totally different occasions? And why would her friends read my blog anyways. Can you say stalking?

Here's what I think happened.

I think and I could be completely wrong but this is what I think happened.

Tyler has been reading my blog because Jackson and I did nothing to him, so why should he stop being our friends? And since Jessi probably bitches about us all the time he figured she probably would be pissed if she found out he's been talking to us (which he hasn't, but you get my point). So he read the blog and being Tyler, who by what I know doesn't put up with that shit; confronted her about it and of course she denied the entire thing, because she was cornered and doesn't want to get in trouble for cheating and she "loves him sooo much that she wouldn't do a thing like that" she doesn't want to lose him, cause she doesn't want to lose the attention that she is getting from planning the wedding and being engaged.

That's what i think happened. Again I could be completely wrong.

Points of Fact:
These are the things that Jessi said I assume she meant I said. I didn't say them.

"You guys are screwed you think tyler and i are a disaster..."
Again I didn't say any names in the blog, and I didn't state that the couple I was referring to was a disaster.

"Cause as far as i remember the only time we were alone together i was keeping you company driving around waiting for sam while you bitched to me about how she ditched you to go to prom."
I find this one funny all in it's own. Cause he bitched to me about it too. He let me know that he was upset that I was going to prom. Did he bitch when he took you out to dinner all dressed up while I was at prom? Oops was I not suppose say that? Oh yeah you told us not to tell Tyler cause he would be pissed.

"My friends brought it to my attention, and i just want you to know...its cute you would actually think i would do something like that to sam and tyler"
Since when did she start caring about me again? Again and why are her friends reading my blog in the first place. The only friends that I have that even know her remotely are Sophie and Diane and they don't even talk to her that often cause she blows them off all the time.

"So why dont you guys write to me about shit like this instead of being two faced and writing it on a blog"
Why are you bitching to Jackson about it? He didn't write the blog, I did. He wasn't even in the same room. And why would we try to contact you in the first place, you made it very clear you want nothing to do with us, and you wouldn't respond anyways...Well actually you might cause you probably aren't getting the attention from the wedding as much as you would have liked. so you deside to start all this drama so everyone will feel sorry for you.


That is the end of this blog, but not the end of this I can tell cause Jessi is only going to start more drama about it.

So we sit back and wait.


And i'm the immature one?

Let's Talk....

Good morning kids!

The word of the day today is.....::insert pathetic drumroll:: TRUST!

Say it with me kids.....Truuuusssst.


Sorry about the sarcasm. You know the more and more I realise it i can't really trust anyone.
I'm just gunna get hurt. I always do. I don't know why I'm thinking like this. Maybe because I just recently found out that my EX best friend tried to get MY boyfriend to cheat on me with her while he was visiting. AND she's ENGAGED!!!! Talk about being faithful. Ever since he told me that I haven't been able to get it out of my head, and realise why they didn't hang out after that. It seems to me that he is TRULY the only person that I can REALLY trust right now. I know it's not true and there are other people, but that's how I feel right now and I've really tried to just forget about it, but then it just makes me think. I'm and certainly not turning myself into the victim. It's just how I feel right now. I mean I would have fucking died for that girl. Sorry about the language but that seems to be the only word that could describe how I feel right now. And I feel that everyone needs to know how I feel. I am not lying when I say I would have died for her, I would have; but it seems that she wouldn't have done the same for me.
I don't think I wouldn't be so depressed about it if I could find another friend like. I'm not gunna lie, she may have moved on and yes she may have tons of other friends but what about me? I have absolutely no friends out here. No one that I can hang out with on a daily basis and not get sick of them. Yes I've gained and lost friends, but I've never been so devastated about losing one. Mostly because I find out that she didn't care the same about me. I never had sisters growing up, I never had brothers. I've been a complete softy my entire life and let people run all over me. And I get hurt from it.

Why do I let myself become so attached to people; only to get hurt in the end. Maybe it's the hormones talking, but I really hurt about this. Am I wrong? And I sit here in front of the computer pouring my heart into this and the tears are burning my face. Why would I care so much, she's the one that severed the cord, she's the one that didn't want to be friends anymore, and she's clearly not hurt about it; So why am I so upset about it. Why does it seem that no body else in this world can be as good of a friend she was when we were friends. And that is even if we were ever really "Friends" I considered her my sister, what did she think of me?

These are questions that I know will never be answered and I know I must just move on, but how can I?


but i am the best guy in the world so go fuck yourself other guys
^Jackson's note to the world.

Great Videos!!

Here are some great videos that I love to watch! I mostly love the songs...lol

"The Rock" by Amy-Jayne McCabe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZEb5Ohry1Q

"Come Home Soon" By SHeDAISY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0Vvdv4UoXI

"Heaven" By D.J Sammy *!*!*!*!*MUST SEE*!*!*!*!*!*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTbVyELH3nY


Those are the three videos that were e-mailed to me and I find them incredible. Just wanted to share them with you all.

Drill Weekends Suck

I offically hate drill weekends.



I hate being home alone, it really sucks and I didn't relise how much I hated being alone until he couldn't come home from drill last night and I didn't get to talk to him on the phone.

Out Crack Ass dog bella was sick all day yesterday and is ill today, she's very mopey and doesn't want to eat, and she throws up the water she keeps drinking. I dont know.

Jackson doesn't have any reception where he is so I dont get to talk to him until sunday night. He did find one spot where he has some reception, but we dont get to talk that often.

I'm still an emotional wreck, I'll randomly start crying. I think the thing that is hurting me the most is that I dont have any friends out here. Non like the ones i had in maine. So I'm going back to work. I'm going to find a job so that I can make some friends, just a part time job for now while I look into taking some college classes maybe (that might have to wait until after the hatching) So I think I'll just go find a job at the mall, where I can work all day until about 5 and be home to visit jackson. Not only will it help with pay bills but we can also have extra money during christmas and have some money so that we can actually do things that we want to do. Or maybe just put it all away to buy a house next year. If for some odd reason we dont go active duty. Which is also in the near future.

That's one of the things I look forward to the most. Active Duty.
along with The Baby, the wedding, and oddly enough working.
I would like to spend time with jackson though. Some alone time, just us, no work, no outside world. We haven't really been paying attention to each other as much as we should with all our other worries. But i feel that when we go active duty, everything will be alot better. I'll be able to make friends, ones that can understand my feelings about everything (i.e. deployment, drill, ect.) although I believe if we go active duty we wont have drill any more. but oh well. What do I know, I had to drop my contract, but I believe everything happens for a reason. And that is how that goes.

Wow!

SO!

I haven't updated in a while!

Sorry... But here is my quick update before I go pick up Jess and Alex at school and then drive down to the base to pick up Jackson!

Everything has been going OK. Beside Jackson hogging the bed. He woke up laughing at me this morning because apparently I woke up in the middle of the night sat up and tried to push him over! he thought that was the funniest thing on the planet. I disagree because I almost fell off the bed last night, because he hogs the bed so much. But I love him anyways so it doesn't really matter.

This week I have been an emotional wreck. I blaim WhoreMoans. That's what i've come to call them because that's what they are giant Whores...that Moan.....

My UPS boxes arrived and alot of stuff was broken. Happily UPS is going to replace everything, but still it hurts how they treated my stuff. So I cried all day because of that.

And the next day I cried all day because we can't get bella housebroken and we are having hard time, apon research we found out that beagles are just bull headed and need beat and brought outside. She's been spending days in the crate. I feel bad but when I get sck every single time i clean up her poo, it kinda begins to stink.

And then last night I was up set and mad at jackson because he's always on the phone when he gets home from work, and it's hard to spend time with him. So I tried to be mad at him, but he does that face, with the wink and the grin and I just can't be mad at him. i learn he does it with his mother too.

But now I must go pick up Jess and Alex and then Jackson. So I must fly.


Laterz Home slizzals.

Oh my Gosh! Continued

So where was I. I suppose I could look, but I'm too lazy.

So We just ate dinner. it was kinda like beef stew, only less beefy, and noodley, and vegitablely... It was just noodles and beef i think. But it was good what I ate. i kinda grazed. I guess one of the let downs of being pregnant. You eat ALL day. not big meals, just snacks, all day long, it's good, but not good when your too lazy to get off the couhc to get something to eat.

i also made a HUGE discovery when I got out here. I've been complaining that the milk out here tastes different. I figured out why, It's homoginized. If I remember the milk in maine is just pasturized. so next time we go to teh store I'm gunna try to find a milk that isn't homoginized and see if my theory is correct. probably not but you know I'd like to try. gives me something to look forward too.

If you noticed I'm not really caring about spelling on this entry. not a big fan of grammer or spelling right now.

After dinner jack and i continued to jokingly beat on each other and bella got rowdy. Then katie decided that she wanted to walk, so I kinda just stand her up till she's got balance and then let her go. After she gets her balance she seems as if she can walk across the room without problems. till she finds something that distracts her. She's quite adorable. She calls out "Jack!" and says bella's name and then screams DOG at the top of her lungs. Quite humorous.

Well it's 8 pm and time to go home. A warning for all:


The internet at our house has been turned off because our provider has been completely difficult and lied to us, because we've had so many problems they told us that the bill for the month of august was completely taken care of on them, and so we didn't pay. Well it's been shut off due to "Non payment on the account" and we called the company to figure out why and they kept hanging up on us. So we are switching our providers and screw them all! MWAHAHAHAHA

Oh thank Gosh!!

AND I'm home!!!

It feels sooo good. Bella has grown so much I can't even believe it. I'm really happy that jack got the day off today so we got to spend the day together (somewhat). We met with pastor (that's what I call him jack calls him Chaplin -it's an army thing-) This morning for coffee and grapefruit juice (I dont drink coffee) talked about everything that is going on. At one point in the conversation Pastor asked if we were absolutely serious about getting married. Jack and I came to the conclusion that he wants to do it. lol.

Well I'm being bothered to eat dinner, jack is messing with me. I will continue the post tonight and finish an update.

MWAH!

Together, Always

For all of you who wake up in the morning, lay there for a few moments, trying to swallow the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach as you wonder where your soldier is, or how he's doing...this is for you.
For all of you who start a countdown the minute he leaves, and continue to until he is back in your arms again...this is for you.
For all of you who tear up everytime "Far Away" comes on the radio, or who press repeat when "Come Home Soon" plays in their car...this one's for you.
For all of you who see Army billboards, ads in the paper, or commercials on TV and next notice the tears rolling down your cheeks, this is for you.
This is for you.
I am one of you too.
This is for us.
For all the times we sleep with our phones on the loudest possible volume, just as to not miss the call that just MIGHT come...
For all the times we roll our eyes when another girl is depressed because she hasn't seen her guy in a week...
For all the times we hear our soldier's name mentioned out loud, and are momentarily frozen...in a trance...in love.
For all the late nights that we spend alone, cuddling with our stuffed animals, wearing our soldiers army sweatshirts and sweatpants, and clutching the precious dog tags around our necks...
This one's for us.
We may feel weak on the inside, but on the outside we're strong.
We may be drowning in tears on the inside, but on the outside, we are a rock.
We may want to crawl in bed and sleep until our man comes home, but instead, we get up and go on with our daily lives with our men in our hearts.
We may feel like we're slowly dying with each day we spend apart from our men, but instead, we put one foot infront of the other, and take each day as it comes.
We are strong, and we are proud.
We have more love in our hearts than we ever thought possible, and for this, we are thankful. We are thankful for our men and also for each other. We are Army gals, and we lean on each other.
Alone we are weak, but together, we are strong. We help each other, and we survive.
To all you Army gals out there, hold your head up and be proud.
We are connected, ALWAYS

I'm ready.

I'm sooo ready to go home. I miss california. But I miss Jackson most of all. This whole talking on the phone thing is doing me no good.

So there is a picture of us. There babe, there isn't just a picture of the puppy on here. lol. I woke up this morning to a text message from diane saying that she got into a huge car accident. Her car is totaled. I asked her if she was ok and she still hasn't answered me. I dont know. I supposed to be going out to lunch with her and sophie when they get out of school, so I clean and pack until then.

Wicked Cool.

Hello,

so I went to the marching band competition last night and I laughed all night long, I had forgotten how much my friends mean to me. And you know I'm not really that upset about losing my supposed "best friend" I'm kinda glad that it's over with so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

This has been on my chest for a while and I need to vent and get it off. So here goes:

The whole thing with Jessi was just stupid. I just don't understand. I know I clearly didn't try hard enough to stay in touch, but neither did she. And it's suddenly all my fault? I completely understand her reasoning for not calling; she didn't want to listen about how happy I was. But when she said that it just made me wonder if all the things she used to say about how I need someone who will treat me the way I need to be treated and make me as happy as I deserve was a bunch of crock. She clearly didn't want me to be happy, at least not happier then her. That's how I see it. The thing that hurt me the most was that was the only reason why should wouldn't call, and it kept her from calling. Now I'm not complaining now, because that's the kinda of friend I am and I'm happy that she's happy with Tyler honestly, but still I never complained when she would spend the night at my house and just wait all night long asking when Tyler was going to call. I mean yeah, we spent a lot of time together, but whenever I was on the phone and she was over I tried not to talk a lot and ask if I could call back later. But yes half the time when my phone rang she just used that 5 mins to call Tyler and talk for 30 mins. And I never complained once. Not once, because that is the kind of friend I am, because I was happy for her. I'm certainly not now after a bunch of stuff I found out about people that she cares about that she probably doesn't even know and I just await the day when she finds out. But in the e-mail/messages we sent each other it felt like all she was doing was attacking me. Saying that Jackson gives me all the money I want and everything that I want. That is completely not true. I know that all of our money right now goes into stuff that we absolutely need and to bills that we need to pay. She made it sound like I ask for hundreds of dollars and he gives it to me no matter what. That's not even the case even now that I'm visiting in Maine, the money that comes out of the bank goes towards everything I need to get back home (shipping packages, gas in my mom's car) I think I've spent a total of $50.00 on my self since I've gotten here and that is mostly for food, and the new pair of pants I bought cause I can't fit into any of my others ones. So another reason why should couldn't call me was cause she was working all the time at the bank and at the gym and she didn't get home until late. I felt that was kinda weak considering Grady someone I barely hung out with when I lived in Maine would call me every night on his way home from work when he got out of work at 1 am, just to see how things were going. So I felt that it was just an excuse and she just didn't want to talk to me anymore, and I'm completely over that I just need to get all of this off my chest because it's been built up inside. So after she tells me she's working all the time she complains about how short they are for money. I don't know, I know that she own her college money and she hasn't said anything about working and from what I've talked to Tyler he's going to school and he didn't say anything about working, so from what I gather she's the only one with money coming in and she states that all of her entire checks are going to paying back her college. So how is she paying for the wedding? last I knew her parents couldn't help because they are buying a house which left her and Tyler for paying for the entire wedding and she's complaining about money. Seriously? I always thought the sensible thing to do when you got engaged was to not fly by the seat of your pants cause weddings aren't cheap, and when your so strapped for cash why would you put everything in to your wedding when your gonna have bills to pay and everything. But that is none of my business. I just thought about the future and pros and con's of getting married much harder then she has. But then again, I don't know because she never discussed her fears of the wedding with me just planning and how happy she was so i figured they had everything figured out. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't. I'll never know.

We'll all be out here for Christmas. Jack, Me, Bella. And hopefully Jess and Alex. But we wont be going to their wedding, because we both feel that it's a disaster waiting to happen. I honestly give them 6 months to a year before they get divorced. They've never lived alone together and before august they were physically with each other for a total of a month, maybe a little more. but their relationship was all about the phone. and I know from experience that it's just not the same.

And now that I've gotten that completely off my chest I can continue with my perfectly happy life, in which I'm slowly (but surely) weeding out all the people who want to see me drown.

The thing that tells me that I've changed for the better is:

I'm not crying over losing her. I didn't attack her or yell at her. I handled the situation like an adult (having almost lost it but maintained my posture) and I'm happy she's out of my life. Because I need friends I can count on to be there for me. And she clearly cannot be there for me.

So to Jessica.

R.I.P

We are no longer friends and I am happy that way. I am a better person for it.

Wicked fun!

So yeah,

Hello all. This is my blog thingy. I created it to stay in touch with everyone who wants to stay in touch with me, they can just read this and know what is going on! brilliant eh? I'd say.

I'm not going to lie I have absolutely no idea on how to start this.

I was born and raised in Maine by my wonderful allergic mother (I say she's allergic to everything...) I now live in California with my boyfriend/fiance (I'll just call him foyce) hahaha. I think I'm funny when I'm usually not, but that is how I am. We have a crazy dog named Bella.

That's her and her "I'm-cute-but-if-you-look-I-pooped-in-your-closet-but-i-love-you-so-it's-OK-mom" face. She's just too cute. We are expecting our first child (a shock to us both and the rest of the world, but hey nothing that I can do about it). We want it to be a boy, but just because of that it's going to be a girl. We are looking to getting married next spring, a small ring ceremony (save the big one from when he gets back from Afghanistan) I think. I could be wrong. we kinda talked about it. hahaha.

It's raining right now. In Maine. I haven't seen rain in 3 months. Jack says just wait it will rain and I'll wanna tear my hair out. Yeah right, like I would tear my awesome hair out. I love my hair. It was a million feet long but cut it all off so it's like a foot long now! hahahaha take that California heat!

I'm sitting here waiting for the clock to hit 11:30 so I can set out into the world and make my way towards the school and go to the marching band competition. I'm addicted. It's like my drug, if I could I would surround myself with marching band all day and all night long. It's such a high. It's addicting. And I'm not a crack fiend. But I guess I should try to find something else to do and make this the end of my official first post!