Wednesday, March 05, 2008

It's alright.

First of all I would like to state that I only made two bottle really thick, and i watered them down before giving them to him so do not fear.

It's not like a little extra formula wont hurt him anyways.

We went to the doctor today and I am glad to announce that LTAM has gained an Ounce! He now weighs a whooping 4 lbs 14 ounces! An ounce in two days. I think that's not bad. At least he's gaining weight now right?

Poor guy got circumcised today. I almost started crying in the room, they took him from me and brought him to another room and i could still hear him screaming. I almost started crying. I think one tear was shed and then I put my man boots on, and decided that I would save the water works until tonight, when I will just let them take over me, because right now bottling my emotions probably isn't in my best interest, or actually in anyone else's best interest right now either. I'm a walking time bomb at this moment. I've been storing all my emotions from the past week because I don't want anyone to think that I'm a baby.

And everyone can say; 'your not a baby, blah blah blah' but you know what, I don't care. I don't want to seem weak. I looked weak my entire pregnancy because I was a hormonal wreck. I'm tired of being thought of as the cry baby.

No one has come out to say it, but i know that every time I start crying everyone must think 'here we go again' or 'she's such a cry baby.'

That's why I save my cry time for the shower. The hot water makes my face all red, so no one can tell I've been crying.

well now everyone knows huh?

But now my only concern is keeping Jarrid healthy. Everyone out here is sick. Coughing all over the place and then they want to hold Jarrid.

Now is when I'm gonna be the overprotective bitch.

But honestly he cannot get sick, because if he gets this cold that everyone has, we will have a baby in the hospital and everyone will witness me being an emotional wreck. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him all hooked up to IVs and monitors and crap; not being able to hold my baby would be the worst thing that could happen to me right now. And not being able to make him better just by picking him up and kissing his little cheeks would just kill me and they would probably have to hook me up to monitors too because I would just die. I know right now I wouldn't leave his side until we were bringing him home from the hospital. I probably wouldn't even eat. My health would mean nothing to me at that point. I would have to be dragged out of that hospital kicking and screaming, either that or severely sedated; and that's only if they can get near me with the needle.

Is this me being a psycho mom?

Most likely yes. Maybe that was an exaggeration of everything. Maybe not. I just don't want him getting sick.

That same thing if i got sick, because I wouldn't be able to hold him and it would just kill me. i don't know how BTSAM has done it that past week with holding him only so that I can get a shower in, or to check my e-mail.

His pediatrician said that he has to be back up to his birth weight by his next check up which is on the 11th.

Well American Idol is on, so I'm gonna go watch it.

1 comment:

Mrs. Duntley said...

Hang in there baby girl. The crying will stop. All those nasty hormones are trying to get back to where they belong. (Baby Blues)

Call me anytime.

love ya,

Mom