Baby Shower Blues

Well tonight was my baby shower.

Of the 25 people we invited, 1 person showed up.


I'm kinda upset because it seems that everyone out here doesn't really care about other people. All the girls from work told me they were going to come, but none of them showed up. i called Leslie to see if she was coming and She was on her way home for San hose visiting her nephew (which was unplanned) but she at least tried to call to tell me she couldn't make it, but she was pissed off that no one else from work showed up.

But we still had fun, Jacksons parent were there, along with Jess, Alex and Taylor (the little girl I've been watching) and Taylor's mom Krystal whom I've become god friends with. We all put Katie on the treadmill and turned it on and then put a cookie at the top and watched Katie walk up. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Then we played games and we all made the best time out of a bad situation.

All in all I really had a lot of fun, yeah I'm upset no one showed up, but you know shit happens. We couldn't really expect for people to get us the things we need as gifts, Krystal got us Diapers and Wipes (YAY Krystal!) but I guess I was hoping too much for people who I thought were friends to follow through, and give me the excitement of having Jarrid.

I mean I'm really excited, and i can't wait for him to be here, but honestly, I want the glory of being pregnant. Yeah it was a blessing and god obviously has other plans for me but I kinda wanted to be the center of attention for once. Today was kinda about me. Yeah not only me, but Jarrid's glory was to be lived by me. I haven't really felt the glory of being pregnant. and i think as my last months wind down my chances of getting that glory seem to be getting further and further away. Maybe I'm just being Greedy. Yeah I'm being greedy, I should just be happy with everything we have, but it's not the same when I can look at something that was given to us and know that someone cared enough to get us that. I'll stop being a greed monster now.

I just wish I had friends out here like I did in Maine. My entire trip was made when i knew that my friends cared enough to throw me a baby shower. Yes i will admit it wasn't to the extent that i had always dreamed my baby shower would be; tons of family and friends, Ohhing and Ahhing over baby outfits and getting advice from everyone and playing games, laughing and just having fun. Like Aunties always were. She always had great baby showers. It just seems like I'm expecting too much from this. I just wanted my only pregnancy to be perfect. Like I had always dreamed.

You would think that I would have learned that things never happen as you dream them.